6 brutally honest answers to common job interview questions

Wyclef

We all know job interviews are a fucking trap. Its like reality TV; everything is so perfectly scripted you start to think the interviewer is just pulling the questions out of a hat and that the interviewee is answering them from a deep and honest place like he didn’t rehearse the night before (at least most of the time). So here are some honest answers to popular job interview questions;

1. Tell us about yourself

What you actually say: My name is Wale Williams, a graduate of Aso University who finds excitement in hitting tasks head on. I’m a young and dynamic individual with a passion for excellence and a determination to succeed.

What you want to say: I want to start by saying I thank God for this opportunity because I’m tired of sitting at home.

Pray

The way my father has been looking at me ehn!, as if I shit in my pants. Anyway, My name is Wale Williams, but my friends call me Wale Cobra, because you know what it do. I attended Aso University and studied for 4 years with a minor in ASUU strikes, for 3 years.

2. What is your greatest weakness?

What you actually say: I have a little challenge when handling many tasks at once, but I’m already attending a webinar that is teaching us how to fix this and it seems to be producing results.

What you want to say: Mehn, if you give me a task to do and the deadline is in one week, I swear I’d think about it everyday, but never do it. Then I start the night before deadline morning. And drink coffee, chew kolanut, drink Red Bull, and come to work looking like its closing time.

I need help

And one more thing, although I don’t think its a weakness, I believe the fridge is egalitarian in nature, which is why it has only one door. That is all.

3. How did you hear about this position?

What you say: A friend of mine told me about it and said he believed I’d fit in perfectly.

What you want to say: Think of every job website there is. I’m on every one. I knew like 10 minutes after you put up the vacancy.

Bruce typing

4. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

How you answer: I see my self becoming a force to reckon with in Sales. Hopefully, I’d assume more management responsibilities and take on more challenges to make me even better at my work.

What you want to say: This question is just one kain. I don’t even have a full grasp of today. Like, who knows tomorrow? But if I had to say it sha, in 5 years, I want a good car, a better salary, my own house, and maybe an office better than your own sef.

Eddie murphy gif

5. What is your dream job?

How you answer: Based on my interests and career path, I want a job that would enable me grow at good pace. In fact, this is actually why I was excited about getting invited for this interview.

What you want to say: Anything that will gimme small work and plenty money, period. Probably not this one but we have to start somewhere.

obama spraying money

 

6. Why should we hire you?

How you answer: I believe I am a good fit for the job as my skill set will not only enable me learn quickly on the job, it will also take this company to even greater heights.

What you want to say: Ma, please epp me, just consider me. Consider the place I am coming from and how many hours I spent in traffic. Even the money I used to get here, it was someone that borrowed me.

Wyclef

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