Popcorn and Pepper: Here’s all the unanswered questions we have from the ‘Rumour Has It’ Finale

Rumour Has It, The show that was supposed to be the heir apparent to the genre defining Nigerian Millenial period drama Gidi Up but turned out to be a sopping mess of cliches and inconsistencies has abruptly ended its season after only 9 episodes. Because the final episode really isn’t worth my time and brain cells to actually cobble up a review (scathing or otherwise), what I will do instead is ask a few burning questions about the great and wonderful ‘finale’ we were given.

Who thought it was a good idea to end a show with ‘To. Be. Continued…’ in 2016.

To Be Continued

The last person to get any traction out of a ‘To Be Continued’ teaser was Maye Hunta with his Ekaette song. We all know how that ship sailed. If y’all think I’ll be refreshing my Youtube tab on the merit of a To Be Continued…

Good the fuck bye

All The Abandoned Sub Plots

It is bad enough that the show didn’t even start giving the major characters sub plots and back stories till the fifth episode, when the season was more than half done. It wasn’t even bad that the sub plots were thrown in hastily, without any regard for our common sense and ability to expect rational script writing. You now have a finale episode that completely disregards all the supporting characters to drag out a good 19 minutes of telling us what we already knew from episode 8.

Arinze and Seyi

gif (3)

In Episode six the writers pulled all the stops to show us Arinze is an all caps FUCK BOY. It is only intimated at, hinted really. A few surreptitious glances, some shady behavior, the usual stuff.

shame-GOT

 

Here I was waiting for some concrete action to either confirm or refute this suggestion and next thing they tell us instead that Seyi is pregnant in one of the most painfully awkward scenes I have seen in a while.

Shoot me neow.

Shoot me neow.

Apparently she and Arinze had agreed to wait (why we are never told, considering homeboy was obviously kpanshing without a condom) and she was on the pill, and the pill failed. Isn’t this the kind of information we should have gotten from like episode 2, the very first time Seyi got screen time?

drake-face

So Arinze doesn’t take it well, and Seyi gives him an ultimatum instead of going all Hulk on his lazy ass.

bye felicia

I would have thought the finale would have been a great time to squeeze out a minute or two hash out this tangle of loose ends. Wouldn’t you?

Could you not?

So confused

Also did anyone notice how for a tightly knit family, Arinze was never in any of the family meetings Obi and her parents had with Wole’s parents.  Especially considering he knows about everything that has been happening?

Umm no

Jennifer

Jennifer Ndani

If there was anyone the writers of Rumor Has It did especially wrong this season, it was Jennifer. She was little more than a cardboard cut out, a mouth piece through which the writers could advance the plot, and give some ‘tough talk’. Maybe they were trying to pull a Game Of Thrones and saving her for season two, but the writing in Season One isn’t even that good.

Nene Leakes Judging you

Not to mention that for someone who was ‘sexually liberated’ and talked a LOT of trashy sex talk, we never saw Jennifer get any paynus. Not even a smooch.

single as fuck

After her unprovoked meltdown in Episode 7 (another cheap plot advancing trick) and a colossal fight with her friends, Jennifer is never heard from again.

This feels right to you

I know she wasn’t supposed to be anything else but a slutty best friend stereotype but after a fight like that and the revelations Seyi and Obi get in the episodes after, I’d have hoped this would have been enough to warrant a get together and maybe a mushy girls only make up session.

Nice things

A girl can dream

David

So David was supposedly in love with Obi since like forever.

Skai welcome

The show’s writers tried to ‘hint’ this to us, in their clumsy bull in a china shop, roundabout way of writing. We got the message especially clear, that David was now a skirt chasing slut trying to fill Obi shaped heart coal with any passing vagina, and that Wole knows and throws it in his face.

Drama!

 

In Episode 8, after literally Wole has ignored everyone else and all kinds of common sense to live lavish with his side chick, David finally grows a spine and confronts him. And drops the ‘bombshell’ that just maybe Wole should have a paternity test.

eye-roll-4

Isnt that super convenient. That after 8 episodes of ZERO foreshadowing or even the slightest suggestion of infidelity on Jumoke’s part, the one person Wole would normally disregard suddenly has a brain fart. And even more incredulous, Wole follows his advice. And using a cliche that even old Nollywood has outgrown, lo and behold the baby is not his.

Duh 2

I would personally know why David felt so sure Jumoke was trying to cuckold my nigga Wole. A flashback, maybe even a line of dialogue could have cleared things up, even given context. But no… why waste time making the plot cohesive when you can throw in octogenarians doing victory twerks.

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Priorities people.

Ranti

Ranti

The best bit of acting this whole episode

Now, I understand the show needed a convenient way to explain away all the leaks in Obi’s private life and Ranti, her assistant and the lousiest mole in the universe seemed a good enough person as any to do it.

Nope

Considering only five people knew about the paternity test: Wole, his parents, Jumoke and Ranti. If any of the grown adults on this show had sense (and they’re supposed to, cos more than half of them have leaked information to blogs to further their personal agendas) the fact that Ranti was the mole should have been glaring.

Nene Leakes said what I said

Lets ignore that for a while, and focus on the fact that the finale would have been a great time to do a little exposition on Rumor Has It’s real villain and elevate her from a bit player to someone with real motive.

But nah, the show is so obsessed with the Obi and Wole, the two least interesting people on the cast that they miss this entirely. Must I point out everything for you?

eye roll 2

Mama Wole

Did Mama Wole change make up artists for the finale, cos my God her makeup went from mildly tolerable to a damn fricking mess. With make up that bad, she deserved all the victory twerking that Mama Obi did in her face.

On Fleek

The makeup is so bad it could pass for a before pic.

 

And if any of these ideas I’ve thrown around mysteriously appear in season 2 of Rumour Has It (in a perfect world the show wouldn’t get a season 2, or get real writers), I’ll take some thank you’s and a few royalty checks.

youre welcome

Semira Bello is lacking in conscience and lives her life on Youtube. When she isn’t watching Iroko TV, she is writing ‘serious’ articles about fashion and pretending to apply make up

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