By Vivian O.
To be a man is not a day’s job
You have heard it a thousand times, definitely one of the most used proverbs in Nigeria. It is important to carry this honour of being a man about and if possible, write it on your forehead so people can see it.
Here are a few tips to being a man in Nigeria.
1. Don’t cry.
Because only one hormone is legal for Nigerian men to use; the horny hormone. There are few instances where you are allowed, like when you are trying to tell her how much you deserve a second chance.
2. Compare every girl to your mother.
This is very important since they are all auditioning to be your next mummy. She is going to have to carry your manliness for nine months or more and breastfeed you too.
2. Be strong.
Because weakness is not for men. Weakness is for the weak. What is your role in this life if not to help women carry their heavy stuff?
3. Support a football team.
If you don’t support a football team, people are going to question everything about you. Everything.
4. Have a beard.
How else will the ladies know you have come of age?
5. Don’t be a virgin.
The girls are going to think you’re lying to get closer to them. The guys on the other hand, will have many questions
6. Don’t be short.
This is the second worst thing after getting arrested by Buhari’s government for corruption. If you for some reason find out you are short, make sure you follow plus size women. People need to know you’re capable.
7. Don’t be a nurse.
You’re going to be getting questions like, ”where were you when your mates were being doctors?”
8. End all ties with a girl who tells you that she is not going to answer your last name.
Because how else will they know you’re the man of the house? Such a girl has no space in your future.